Relationships

5 things everyone should know about consent

Valerie Padilla — Mon, 21 Oct 2024 15:09:25 +0000

5 things everyone should know about consent Valerie Padilla Mon, 10/21/2024 - 09:09

Navigating relationships and sexuality in college can be exciting and challenging. It can help to understand what consent really means, why it's so important and how to practice it in your own relationships.

Here are five things to know about consent.

1. Consent comes first

Before engaging in any sexual activity, it’s necessary to establish consent. This is true regardless of your current relationship status or sexual history.

Think of consent as a continuous agreement between sexual partners. It can be communicated through words or actions that demonstrate a shared understanding and agreement for a given sexual activity. This practice provides each person with the opportunity to set personal boundaries and understand the boundaries of others.

Establishing affirmative consent requires a level of safety and vulnerability to share what we want and remain open to the potential of being disappointed, disappointing someone else or being rejected. While this can feel challenging, it’s important to recognize that open and honest conversations about sex are essential and make the experience better.

2. Consent is fluid

Consent is less about agreeing to do something and more about agreeing to try something.

People can—and often do—change their minds about what they want to or are willing to do sexually. If you or a partner signal that they want an activity to stop, that choice must be respected, even if they were initially okay with it. Additionally, agreeing to one sexual activity doesn’t mean the person agrees to other sexual activities, the same activity at a different time or the same activity with a different person. For instance, making out with someone doesn’t imply it’s okay to take it further.

Keep in mind that some people may not feel comfortable communicating their boundaries or desires directly or explicitly. Many students have little or no experience with sex, may be inexperienced with different types of sex or navigating sex with a new partner. We may know or have ideas about what feels good for us, but we can’t know what feels good for someone else. It may be difficult for someone to articulate exactly what they want, especially if the experience is new. That’s why it’s important to be tuned into different signals to avoid overstepping someone’s boundaries. It can also be helpful to confirm continued consent. For instance, you can ask things like, “Does this feel good?” or “Let me know if you want to stop or do something different?”

3. Consent can be verbal or physical

Consent can be expressed both verbally and physically. Sex requires flexibility in how people communicate their willingness to engage in different activities.

Verbal consent means that a person is using words to convey clear permission. Physical consent, like non-verbal body language and facial expressions, conveys permission through actions. No matter how consent is communicated, it’s important that it creates a mutual understanding that something is wanted. Keep in mind that if you’re relying on a single cue to signal consent, you might be missing other important information that may communicate someone’s consent or non-consent.

Here are some examples of what consent can look like:

Consent can look like...

Direct, brief answers that give permission (e.g., yes, absolutely, etc.)

Concrete planning (e.g., “I’d love to! Now?”)

Direct eye contact

Moving closer

Nodding and smiling

Initiating touch in response to a suggestion

Reciprocating touch

Consent doesn’t look like...

Indirect answers or pauses (e.g., “I don’t know right now” or “Maybe...I’m not sure.”

Avoiding eye contact

Looking closed off

Leaning away

The way someone is dressed

A reward for favors (e.g., gifts, rides, money, etc.)

*A person who does not want to consent to sex is not required to resist.

4. Incapacitation doesn’t count

Anyone who is incapacitated by alcohol, drugs or anything else cannot give consent, regardless of what they’re saying or doing.

Incapacitation is a state where someone cannot make a reasonable or rational decision because they lack the capacity to understand the “who, what, where, when or why” of a sexual interaction.

Keep in mind that the use of alcohol or drugs, in and of itself, does not render a person incapacitated, nor is it a defense against an allegation of sexual misconduct. The impact of alcohol and/or drugs varies from person to person. Someone who is aware or should know that an individual is incapacitated and engages in sexual activity with that individual, is in violation of university policy and the law.

Some signs of incapacitation that may indicate a person is unable to consent:

Disorientation, which could include a person losing track of where they are or who they are with, being confused or unable to remember basic information, or repeating themselves (lack of short-term memory).

Loss of motor control, which means a person may not be able to do basic things like insert a key in a lock, not be able to get something out of a wallet, not be able to dress or undress themselves or walk on their own.

Unconsciousness, including being asleep or passed out.

It can also be helpful in sexual relationships to talk through how you both feel about having sex or doing sexual activities while under the influence of drugs or alcohol.

5. Work together to improve your experience

Open and honest communication is the cornerstone of a fulfilling and satisfying sex life. By creating an environment where both people feel safe to express their desires, concerns and boundaries freely, sexual partners can create more intimate and enjoyable sexual experiences.

Remember, good sex looks different for different people, and it's an ongoing process of discovery and mutual care.

Here are some topics to consider discussing:

What is something that I do that really turns you on?

Is there a new position or activity you’d like to try together?

What are your favorite forms of foreplay?

Do you have any fantasies you might like to explore?

What makes you feel most comfortable and safe during sex?

Are there any things that make you feel uncomfortable or unsafe?

How can we better communicate our needs during sex?

How do you want me to talk about your body or refer to specific body parts?

What can I do to make you feel more satisfied during and after sex?

When having conversations about sex, it’s important to not shy away from more sensitive subjects like past experiences that may influence your current preferences or anxieties. These conversations also don't have to be formal—they can happen naturally during quiet moments together, over dinner, in the car or lying in bed.

Through open communication, you can create a sex life that is not only consensual but deeply satisfying for you and your partner.

Campus resources

There are a number of resources on campus that can support your sexual health and relationship well-being.

SexEd Workbook
This guided workbook can help you explore what sex means to you, how your own body experiences pleasure and more. This is a great place to start when thinking through sexual experiences and considering questions you may not have considered before.

Skill-building workshops
The Office of Institutional Equity and Compliance (OIEC) offers free discussion-based sessions to help students explore sexual decisions and communication. Topics include consent, pleasure, boundaries and sexual assault.

Sexual and reproductive health
Medical Services providers are here to support all CU Boulder students learn about their bodies and take care of their sexual and reproductive health. Services include exams, birth control, gynecological services, vaccines, HIV prevention and more.

Safer sex supplies
Students living on campus can order a free Buff Box that includes supplies and information about safer sex, including condoms, lube, dental dams and more.

Students living off campus can stop by Wardenburg to pick up free safer sex supplies.

STI testing
Students can schedule an in-person or telehealth appointment to get testing recommendations, review results or order STI tests from the lab. Drop-in testing is also available at the lab in Wardenburg Health Center.

Let’s Talk
Let’s Talk is a free service where CU Boulder students can check in for an informal, brief and confidential consultation with a counselor to discuss relationships, sex, gender and more.

Apothecary Pharmacy
The Apothecary Pharmacy at Wardenburg Health Center provides prescription medications and over-the-counter products, including emergency contraception, condoms, pregnancy tests and more.

Office of Victim Assistance (OVA)
OVA provides free and confidential information, consultation, support, advocacy and short-term, trauma-focused counseling services for students, grad students, faculty and staff who have experienced a traumatic, disturbing or life-disruptive event, including, but not limited to, sexual assault, intimate partner abuse and harassment.
Confidential resource

Sexual assault

Sexual assault includes any unwanted sexual contact or behaviors that a person did not or was not able to consent to.

Sexual assault can include, but is not limited to, the following:

Unwanted penetration, including vaginal, anal or oral sex. This also includes penetration by an object or another person’s body part(s).

Unwanted touching of someone’s butt, breasts or genitals.

Keep in mind that attempted touching, contact and penetration are also considered sexual assault. Sexual assault can also include going against an established mutual agreement, such as agreeing to have sex with a condom and then lying or removing it without a partner’s knowledge.

Learn more about sexual assault and available resources.

Important: Under Colorado law, a person under the age of 15 cannot legally consent to sex with someone who is four or more years older than they are. A person who is 15 or 16 cannot legally consent to sex with someone who is more than 10 years older

Learn what consent really means, why it's so important and how to practice it in your own relationships.

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4 things everyone should know about hazing

Anonymous — Wed, 04 Sep 2024 06:00:00 +0000

4 things everyone should know about hazing Anonymous (not verified) Wed, 09/04/2024 - 00:00

College can come with a lot of social pressures. Sometimes, in our efforts to make friends or join a particular group, we can find ourselves in uncomfortable or dangerous situations.

Here are four things everyone should know about hazing.

What is hazing?

Hazing includes any activities expected of a person to join or participate in a group that can humiliate, degrade, abuse, endanger or risk emotional or physical harm. Hazing can also include any action or situation that recklessly or intentionally causes harm.

When we talk about hazing, it’s important to know that the person’s willingness to participate in a given activity or task does not make it okay.

Who is at risk?

It’s important to know that hazing can happen in any group, including:

Club sports teams
College athletics
Academic clubs
Performing arts organizations
Fraternities and sororities

Honor societies
Intramural sports teams
Political or religious organizations
Residence hall floors
Student organizations

The risk of hazing can differ by group depending on several factors, including group culture and tolerance for hazing behaviors. Taking some time to reflect on the types of groups you want to join (and why) can help you clarify for yourself what types of relationships and experiences you want to have in college. It can also help you begin to think about what activities you are or are not comfortable doing to be part of a given group.

If you’re considering joining a group, try asking yourself the following questions:

What types of groups or organizations have you thought about joining and why?
What do you know about the group? How can you find out more?
What kinds of activities are required to join?
How will it impact your academics, social life or other activities?
Is drinking or drug use a significant part of the culture and what might that mean for you?
How comfortable are you with the activities or the unknowns related to the membership process?

What does hazing look like?

Hazing encompasses a wide range of activities. These activities are often required of specific members of the group, such as new recruits. Additionally, they are often meant to take priority over other activities in a person’s life as part of the initiation or recruitment process.

Here are some examples of what hazing can look like in real life.*

Intimidation

Deception, secrecy, coercion
Assigning demerits
Demeaning names
Social isolation
Expecting certain items to always be in your possession
Ignoring members
Reports from specific members
Duties assigned only to specific members
Trying to instill fear in members
Depriving members of privileges

Harm to well-being

Verbal abuse
Threats or implied threats
Asking members to wear embarrassing attire
Skit nights with degrading or humiliating acts
Sleep deprivation
Sexual simulation or harassment
Questioning or interrogation under pressure
Requiring new members to perform personal service to active members or alumni (e.g., carrying books, running errands)
Required singing or chanting at an unrelated game or event

Violence/physical harm

Forced consumption of alcohol, drugs, food, etc.
Beating, paddling or other forms of assault
Branding
Water intoxication
Abduction/kidnapping
Sexual assault, including unwanted touching or penetration, including oral, anal, vaginal, with a body part or objects
Forced tattoos or body piercings
Enduring harsh weather without appropriate clothing or protection

*(Allan, 2015; Allan & Kerschner, 2020; Adapted from Bringing in the Bystander)

Due to the nature of these activities, many hazing behaviors go unrecognized and unreported.

It’s important to know that groups who participate in these types of hazing activities or rituals often swear members to secrecy about all aspects of the group, including initiation requirements and activities. Speaking up about hazing, even when it interferes with a group’s expectations, can help prevent it from escalating or happening to other members.

What can I do about hazing?

Hazing can be a sensitive topic, especially if someone has been subjected to degrading, humiliating or violent behaviors and activities.

Here are a few things you can do to help someone who may be experiencing hazing.

Learn to identify hazing activities

Knowing what hazing looks like can help you understand what is okay and what crosses the line. To help identify if an action may be considered hazing, ask the following questions:

Is this a required part of the membership process for a particular group?
Could this cause harm, including feelings of embarrassment, humiliation or degradation?
Are people involved being pressured or coerced to participate?
What will happen to someone who doesn’t want to participate?

Take note of changes

Hazing can cause someone to experience physical, emotional and psychological distress. Here are some signs to take note of if you think someone may be experiencing hazing:

Prioritizing group/membership activities over other areas in their life (e.g., school, relationships, etc.).
Expressing fear or hesitation about what might happen to them if they don’t participate in a specific group activity, even if it makes them uncomfortable.
Changes to their behavior or mood, including depression, anxiety or restlessness.
Missing class, work or outside social events.
Describing “traditions” that sound like hazing.
Changes to sleep habits, including fatigue.
Posting concerning or odd things on social media.
Secrecy related to group membership or “traditions.”

Learn more about the signs of hazing

Start the conversation

If you’re concerned about a friend who may be experiencing hazing, here are some ways to start the conversation:

Start with compassion. Show the individual that you care about them and are concerned. For instance, you can say something like “You’ve been spending a significant amount of your time with [group], and I'm wondering how that's going?”
Describe what you have observed (e.g., lack of sleep, changes in your friend’s mood). Sometimes individuals being hazed do not realize they are being hazed.
Listen without judgment. Show the person it’s okay to come to you for support, even if it is a hard subject to talk about.
Validate that hazing is wrong, it’s not okay and it’s not the person’s fault.
Empower the individual to take some sort of action by suggesting options or resources (e.g., talking to a professional, leaving the organization, reporting the organization, etc.) to give them choices without telling them what to do.
Stay connected. Not all individuals going through hazing are ready to report it and may need time to process. You must be there for support, as they could need you later on.

Connect with resources

Whether you or someone you know is struggling with hazing or initiation practices, there are support resources available. For more information, you can also check out StopHazing.org.

Don’t Ignore It
Explore your options for seeking confidential support, reporting concerns and learning skills for helping others. If something seems off, it probably is—don't ignore it.

Office of Victim Assistance (OVA)
OVA provides free and confidential information, consultation, support, advocacy and short-term, trauma-focused counseling services for students, grad students, faculty and staff who have experienced or witnessed a traumatic, disturbing or disruptive event. This includes hazing.

Confidential resource

Student Support and Case Management (SSCM)
SSCM provides individualized support to students. SSCM case managers connect students with campus partners, community resources and support systems, while building a trusting relationship and coaching them toward self-advocacy.

Student Conduct and Conflict Resolution (SCCR)
If you or someone you know has experienced hazing, you can file an anonymous report with SSCR.

Office of the Dean of Students (For staff, faculty and families)
The Dean of Students supports and advocates for students and connects them with resources. If you are unsure how to advise a student in need of support, call the office at 303-492-9048 for assistance and referrals.

When making fast friends or join a particular group, we may find ourselves in uncomfortable or dangerous situations. Here are four things everyone should know about hazing.

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6 must know tips for navigating life in college

Anonymous — Mon, 19 Aug 2024 06:00:00 +0000

6 must know tips for navigating life in college Anonymous (not verified) Mon, 08/19/2024 - 00:00

It’s normal to envision what your first year at CU will be like. After all, college is an exciting time. As you navigate a new campus and class schedule, try to keep in mind that it’s normal if you experience unforeseen challenges, too. Keep these tips in mind to make your transition a little easier.

1. Living with roommates

Living with roommates can be a big adjustment. This holds true even if you and your roommate get along. It’s also important to keep in mind that while some roommates may become close friends over time, it’s also okay if you don’t. No matter what your relationship looks like, focus on how you can both create a healthy and considerate relationship throughout the year.

As you adjust to living together, you may have disagreements or disputes with your roommate. That’s normal. Learning to communicate openly, listen to the other person’s perspective, set boundaries and compromise are crucial to maintaining a healthy living situation. Be patient with yourself and your roommate. It can take time to work out the kinks and find the best way you can live together.

If you find yourself in a situation that feels ‘off’ or think it may turn into a bigger issue down the road, it’s okay to talk to someone about it now. Student Conduct and Conflict Resolution is available to help you navigate potential conflicts, no matter how small they may seem.

2. Finding friends

Some students may feel pressured to make as many friends as fast as they can. Remind yourself that the first few weeks of college can provide you with a variety of social activities and opportunities to meet new people, but forming deep and lasting friendships doesn't happen overnight. In many cases, it will take time, effort and patience.

You may also find that your initial friend group changes or shifts as you discover new interests or values. Don’t be discouraged if you don’t immediately find a group of lifelong friends. Instead, try to be open to joining new clubs, exploring new interests or going to different events. After all, there is no ‘right’ way to meet people or make friends.

Most of all, it’s important to remember that there are a lot of other students experiencing the same things. Practice compassion for yourself and others. If you have the opportunity to make someone feel included, it can go a long way for both of you.

3. Going out

In college you may find yourself at social events or parties that have alcohol or other drugs, and it can be easy to assume that everyone parties or uses substances in college. However, this stereotype doesn’t hold true (even at CU). Whether you choose to use substances or not, it’s important to make choices that align with your interests and values.

If you choose to use substances, be sure to check out these tips for navigating parties safely. If you choose not to drink, that’s okay, too. You can still attend gatherings and have fun without substances. In fact, 96% of CU Boulder students surveyed support not drinking at parties.

There are also plenty of opportunities on and off campus to socialize that don’t involve parties or substances. Take some time to think through what ‘fun’ looks like for you so you can choose your own adventure. You can also connect with CU's Collegiate Recovery Community if you’re looking to meet and hang out with others who are in recovery or seeking recovery from substances.

4. Enjoying your free time

One of the benefits of college is that you don’t have to spend your entire day in class anymore. That’s why it’s important to make the best use of the free time you have. Between classes, studying, jobs, extracurriculars and social commitments, your schedule can quickly become jampacked. Any free time you have left may only come in short bursts throughout the day rather than longer breaks.

Learning how to effectively manage your time will become an important skill throughout college (and adulthood). In some cases, you may find that you’re spending more time than you expected on class assignments, or you may find that you’re frequently having to cancel plans to catch up on other responsibilities. When planning your time, it’s important to be realistic about your capacity and how many things you can truly commit to. If you feel overwhelmed, you may also need to deliberately schedule downtime to avoid getting burned out.

Remind yourself that it’s okay, and sometimes necessary, to prioritize your own well-being over other activities. If you need help balancing your schedule, check out these time management tips.

5. Exploring your independence

Starting college and living on your own can be both exciting and challenging. Moving away from your home, friends and family can feel like a major transition and some people may adapt more quickly than others. Living in a new place, being surrounded by strangers and figuring out what to do with your newly found independence can take time. Keep reminding yourself that it’s okay if things don’t fall into place right away. Afterall, there’s no instruction manual for adulthood.

You may also notice that you have to take on responsibilities you’ve never even thought about before. For instance, this may be the first time that you’ve done your own laundry, made your own doctor’s appointments, done your own shopping or managed your own finances.

As you navigate new challenges, remember that college is a learning experience. Give yourself grace and ask for support if you need it. There’s no reason to figure it out on your own. If you need help or support, reach out to your residence advisor, friends, family members or campus resources, like Let’s Talk and Peer Wellness Coaching. They can help you adjust to your new life and provide comfort if you’re feeling overwhelmed or homesick.

6. Going to class

Some people may find that college courses are easy, while others find them to be more difficult than high school. Overall, chances are that your classes will fall somewhere in between.

For this reason, it can be easy to fall into the trap of comparing yourself to others or feeling like you’re not measuring up to your own expectations, especially if you’re feeling challenged by your courses. Practicing self-compassion and treating yourself with the same kindness you would offer a friend can help. Acknowledge your feelings of disappointment or frustration, but don’t dwell on them. Instead, focus on your personal growth and progress. Celebrating small victories, like participating in a class discussion or finishing a brutal assignment, can help you stay motivated and build your confidence. You can also seek support through free services like ASAP Tutoring.

It’s also important to remember that college is a time of exploration and self-discovery. Be open to challenging your expectations and goals as you learn more about yourself and your interests. You might have entered college set on a particular major but discover a passion for something else entirely. Adopting a flexible mindset can help you feel more equipped to face challenges or roadblocks. It can also help you make the most of unexpected opportunities.

When you think about what the next semester or year will hold, try to shift your focus away from external expectations to personal growth. By embracing the unpredictable nature of college life, you may find that reality surpasses your initial expectations in ways you never imagined.

Resources

Navigating resources

If you’re not sure what kind of support or resources you need, Student Support & Case Management can help get you connected with campus and community services.

Please note: Students can refer themselves or peers to a case manager.

Mental health workshops

Counseling and Psychiatric Services provides a variety of mental health workshops to help students address common concerns like anxiety, mindfulness and meditation, managing emotions and more.

Recreation

The Rec Center offers a variety of trips, programs and events to help students stay healthy and find community. They have something for everyone, whether you’re into the outdoors, want to play competitive or non-competitive sports, simply work out or try something new.

Campus events

Campus hosts hundreds of events, workshops and activities every semester. Campus events are a great way to get involved, meet your fellow Buffs and explore different hobbies or interests.

Getting involved

There are so many ways to get involved on campus. This semester you may consider getting involved by joining a student organization, volunteering on campus or in the community, finding an on-campus job, joining a fraternity or sorority or getting involved in cultural groups. The options are limitless.

Student jobs

If you’re looking for on-campus jobs, internships or paid positions, check out Handshake to explore opportunities.

Basic Needs Center

The Basic Needs Center provides support for students who are facing food and housing insecurity. You can shop at their on-campus food pantry, stop by a mobile food pantry, sign up for SNAP and Medicaid or work one-on-one with a staff member to review additional resources and options.

Peer Wellness Coaching

Buffs know best. Peer wellness coaches are students who are here to support their fellow Buffs navigate a variety of topics and issues, including stress, relationships, time management, sleep, finances, goals and more.

Academic support

CU offers an array of academic support resources, including tutoring, advising, study groups, writing consultations and more.

Please note: Students are also encouraged to work with their instructors and take advantage of office hours.

Crisis support

If you are experiencing a mental health crisis or need urgent support, you can call Counseling and Psychiatric Services at their 24/7 hotline (303-492-2277).

Please note: If you are experiencing a life-threatening emergency, please call 911 or go to the nearest emergency room.

Medical care

If you get sick or injured, you can schedule an appointment at Wardenburg Health Center on campus. They also provide sexual and reproductive health services, free flu shots, prescription and over-the-counter medications, physical therapy, nutrition, chronic condition care, X-rays, labs and more.

Free wellness supplies

Who doesn’t love free stuff? Stop by the Wellness Suite on the third floor of Wardenburg to grab free wellness supplies. You can build your own kit with sun care products, aromatherapy, cold care supplies, safer sex supplies and more.

Your first year of college can be exciting, and it's normal if you experience some unforeseen challenges, too. Keep these tips in mind to make your transition a little easier.

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5 things you should do if you’re feeling homesick

Anonymous — Fri, 16 Aug 2024 06:00:00 +0000

5 things you should do if you’re feeling homesick Anonymous (not verified) Fri, 08/16/2024 - 00:00

Starting out at a new school can be difficult, especially if you are moving away from friends or family.

Here are a few strategies you can use to overcome homesickness this semester.

1. Keep a hopeful outlook

While it may not be obvious, many students feel homesick, even as transfer students. Remind yourself that it’s okay to experience homesickness, especially after you've said goodbye to your friends, family, home or routine.

It’s also important to keep in mind that homesickness is temporary. Chances are that whatever you're feeling will lessen over time as you become more familiar with campus life and the people at CU.

Here are some tips for staying hopeful:

Set small, achievable goals, like attending one campus event or talking to someone new each week.
Remind yourself of the reasons you chose to attend CU and the opportunities that lie ahead.
Allow yourself to feel your feelings, and then let them go.
Remind yourself that homesickness can be a sign that you have loving relationships with others, which is something to be grateful for.

2. Stay in touch

As you navigate life on campus and meet new people, it’s important to keep in touch with your friends and family back home. Even if your friends are attending different colleges or living in other cities, checking in and catching up can help you feel more connected.

If you’re struggling, reach out to someone you trust and talk through it. Leaning on people you love can help remind you that you’re not alone and that you have people you can rely on in tough times. Having a solid support system back home is important, but it also shouldn’t impede you from spending time or creating new connections here at CU.

Here are some ways to stay connected:

Schedule regular calls or video chats with friends or families.
Exchange letters with one another. After all, who doesn’t like receiving something in the mail?
Stay connected over social by sharing your experiences (or continuing to exchange memes).
Create a group chat to keep everyone in the loop and provide collective support.

3. Establish a routine

Living independently, navigating a new place, taking on more responsibilities and juggling a potentially demanding class schedule may require you to adjust your normal routine. In fact, creating a routine, no matter how small it may be, can help ease feelings of anxiety and make life more predictable.

Here are some easy ways to add routine to your days:

Take the same route to and from your classes.
Meet up with friends, classmates or hallmates to eat around the same time.
Plan out your time for classes, studying and socializing.
Find a study spot on campus that helps you focus.
Establish a consistent laundry or cleaning schedule for your space.

4. Put yourself out there (even if it’s hard)

Making friends as an adult may seem harder than it used to be. It can feel intimidating to be vulnerable and put yourself out there. However, it's important to remember that if you're struggling to make new friends or find ‘your people' here on campus, you're not alone.

Here are a few ways you can work to put yourself out there:

Avoid relying on one person to ‘have it all.’
Stay open to making different friends for different reasons (e.g., someone who is good to study with may not be the same person who would make a good confidant).
Get together as a group if you’re nervous about hanging out with someone one-on-one.
Become a regular at events or campus activities.
Sit near the same people in your classes and join study groups.
Remind yourself that some students may be struggling to find connections, so do your best to be inclusive and invite others to tag along.

5. Connect with resources

Student events

Each semester, Student Affairs hosts hundreds of events, workshops and other opportunities to get involved. Check out upcoming opportunities to meet other Buffs and have fun on campus.

Transfer Buffs

Find resources, events and opportunities to build community with your fellow transfer students on campus.

Beyond Campus Buffs

Do you commute to CU or live off campus? Get involved with the Beyond Campus Buffs Program to meet other students, access the Commuter Lounge and more.

Peer Wellness Coaching

Meet with a trained student to explore ways to make friends on campus, set goals, create routines and make the most of your time at CU Boulder.

Center for Student Involvement

Check out a variety of ways to get involved, including student organizations, leadership and volunteer opportunities, events and more.

First-Generation Students Program

Join a community of first-gen students to socialize, learn about campus resources, find support and more.

Pride Office

The Pride Office supports LGBTQ+ students through community events, social spaces, resources and more.

Residence hall events

Residence halls on campus host events to help students meet their hallmates. Check with your RA to learn about upcoming events.

Starting out at a new university can be difficult, especially if you're moving away from friends or family. Here are a few strategies you can use to overcome homesickness this semester.

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5 tips for heading home this summer

Anonymous — Fri, 26 Apr 2024 15:48:17 +0000

5 tips for heading home this summer Anonymous (not verified) Fri, 04/26/2024 - 09:48

Heading home at the end of a long semester can sometimes bring us much-needed relief, but it can also be a source of stress and anxiety.

If you’re planning to spend the summer at home, here are some tips to help you make a smooth transition.

1. Set boundaries

If you’re planning to stay with your family over the summer, it can be helpful to set clear boundaries and expectations with them up front.

Take some time to talk with your family about expectations while you’re at home. Keep in mind that your family’s expectations may differ from your own. For instance, you may be expected to follow a curfew, help with chores or take on additional responsibilities. Talking through expectations can help you and your family avoid unwanted conflict.

It’s also important to maintain open communication with your family members. You probably haven’t needed to update anyone about your plans while at college, but you may need to be more mindful at home. For instance, you may want to let your family members know what your plans are, how long you’ll be around and how much time you expect to spend with them over the summer.

2. Prepare for tough conversations

It’s normal to butt heads with your family sometimes, especially as you become more independent as an adult. This summer you may find yourself talking with your family about your grades, major, relationships, substance use, differences in points of view and other potentially difficult topics. If these types of topics come up, it’s best to be prepared in advance.

Check out these tips to learn how to make the most of tough conversations.

3. Get into a routine

It may be difficult to transition to life at home, especially if your responsibilities, routines and schedule change significantly. You can set yourself up for success by implementing daily routines.

Here are some ways to establish a new routine at home:

Go to bed and wake up at the same time each day
Plan out your days in advance
Identify activities you can do each day (e.g., taking an evening walk, etc.)
Schedule time with friends or family
Make space for alone time
Identify things you would like to do while you’re home and when you’re able to do them

4. Find healthy ways to cope

Spending time with family can be as stressful as it is enjoyable, especially over long periods of time. If you’re feeling stressed about being home, it’s important to find healthy ways to cope.

Here are a few strategies to try:

Have an open conversation with your family about how you’re doing
Ask for support from family or friends
Be open to compromises
Get at least seven to nine hours of sleep each night
Stay physically active
Spend time with people you love and care about outside of your family
Make time for hobbies and activities you enjoy

5. Connect with resources

If you’re struggling over the summer, there are resources available to help. Be sure to check out all our Health and Wellness summer services.

Anxiety Toolbox

Are you feeling anxious about being at home, connecting with friends or life in general? Join Counseling and Psychiatric Services (CAPS) for a two-part workshop that provides practical, life-long tools to help you manage and reduce feelings of anxiety.

AcademicLiveCare

All students can access free counseling, psychiatry, nutrition and medical appointments online through AcademicLiveCare. Simply sign up with your CU IdentiKey to get started.

Office of Victim Assistance (OVA)

OVA provides free and confidential support, consultation, advocacy and short-term trauma counseling to all CU Boulder students and graduate students who have experienced or witnessed a traumatic, disturbing or life-disrupting event. They also offer support for those who are helping a friend, partner, family member or colleague through a traumatic experience.

Heading home for the end of the semester may bring us some much needed relief, but it can also be a source of stress or anxiety. Here are a few tips to help you make the transition home.

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5 things everyone should know about sexual assault

Anonymous — Thu, 28 Mar 2024 06:00:00 +0000

5 things everyone should know about sexual assault Anonymous (not verified) Thu, 03/28/2024 - 00:00

Sexual assault is all too common in our society and can have lasting impacts on individuals and communities.

Here are five things everyone should know about sexual assault.

1. Sexual assault can happen to anyone

The reality is that most sexual assaults are carried out by people who know the person they assault, including friends, acquaintances, classmates, co-workers, partners, exes, neighbors, dates or someone they met online or at a party. This often contradicts what people believe about who commits sexual assault and can make it more difficult to recognize when an assault happens. People who commit sexual assault take advantage of situational vulnerabilities to exert their will and operate from a sense of entitlement to someone else’s body.

Sexual assault can happen to anyone, though because of oppression and discrimination, women, people with disabilities and those who identify as bisexual or transgender are disproportionately impacted.

2. Consent is key

Consent is an ongoing agreement that people arrive at together. Consent can include words or actions that create mutual understanding, clear willingness and acceptance of any sexual activity.

Consent must be established before people engage in a sexual activity. This gives each person the opportunity to set personal boundaries and to understand the boundaries of others.

Here are a few essential things to know about consent:

Regardless of relationship status or sexual history, consent is required for every sexual encounter.
Body language, words and other non-verbal cues are all acceptable ways to demonstrate non-consent. Tuning into these signals is key to avoid overstepping boundaries, even when a person doesn’t feel comfortable addressing them directly or explicitly.
Consent is mutual. For instance, if someone consents to sex with a condom but their partner doesn’t use one, that is not consent. This behavior is often referred to as “stealthing.”
People can—and often do—change their minds about what they want to or are willing to do sexually. If you or a partner signal that they want an activity to stop, that choice must be respected.
Agreeing to one sexual activity doesn’t mean the person agrees to do another activity, the same activity at a different time or the same activity with a different person. For instance, making out with someone doesn’t mean they consent to other sexual activities.
Anyone who is incapacitated by alcohol, drugs or anything else cannot give consent, regardless of what they are saying or doing. Incapacitation is a state where someone cannot make a reasonable, rational decision because they lack the capacity to understand the “who, what, where, when or why” of a sexual interaction.

Learn more about affirmative consent

3. Sexual assault can include a wide range of experiences

Sexual assault includes any unwanted sexual contact or behaviors that a person did not, or was not able to, consent to.

This can include, but is not limited to, the following:

Unwanted penetration, including vaginal, anal or oral sex. This also includes penetration by an object or another person’s body part(s).
Unwanted touching of someone’s butt, breasts or genitals.

Keep in mind that attempted touching, contact and penetration are also considered sexual assault. Additional forms of sexual harm include sexual harassment, exploitation (e.g., sharing nudes, videotaping sexual acts without consent, etc.) as well as abuse by an intimate partner.

Both sexual assault and sexual misconduct refer to legal thresholds under campus policy and criminal law. Harmful sexual experiences can still happen outside of these parameters.

If you or someone you know isn’t sure whether an experience may have been sexual assault, confidential advocate counselors on campus are available for free and confidential consultations, trauma-focused counseling and support. Advocate counselors with the Office of Victim Assistance (OVA) are here to help students, staff and faculty understand and process their experiences as well as learn about their rights and options. Remember, you don’t have to know what to make of an experience to get support. Give them a call at 303-492-8855 or schedule an appointment.

4. Sexual assault can be prevented

Buffs should look out for each other, speak up about concerning behaviors and situations and take steps to create better interactions and a safer community.

Here are some ways to help improve and practice bystander skills:

Learn to identify high-risk situations
Keep an eye on people who hit on the drunkest person at a party, encourage others to over-drink, try to get a drunk person alone or away from their friends, are persistent about pursuing someone sexually or commit low-level boundary violations. It’s not that people don’t understand consent, it’s that some people aren’t interested in honoring it.

Intervene in concerning situations
If you see someone in a potentially harmful or high-risk situation, you can do something to intervene. Bystanders are particularly important in situations where someone is being pursued by someone else because of their level of intoxication, or if a person has been intentionally drugged in an attempt to facilitate sexual assault.

Keep track of friends
At parties, high-proof alcohol mixed with sweet punch or juice might be served to increase the likelihood that people will become intoxicated. It’s common for those who perpetrate sexual assault to encourage alcohol consumption or target those who seem incapacitated. It’s important to check in with a friend if you observe any sudden changes (e.g., difficulty standing, disorientation, etc.) that might indicate they’ve had too much to drink.

Don’t leave someone behind
Commit to not ditching someone if they have too much to drink and/or become unwilling to stick with the plan to stay together. Sticking together decreases the likelihood that someone will have to rely on lesser-known friends or strangers to get home. It’s also important to consider whether someone who is offering to walk a person home or look after an intoxicated person is trustworthy or is potentially looking for access to someone who is vulnerable.

Trust your instincts
If a situation feels weird or wrong, it probably is. If you think someone’s behavior feels uncomfortable or unsafe, follow your gut. It’s okay to make up an excuse to interject or interrupt a situation that feels ‘off.’ You can act like you don’t feel well and need them to leave with you, you need them to check on a friend or you want them to go with you to get something to eat.

5. Support is available

Resources are available for those who have experienced sexual assault, who want to support friends and survivors, or who want to learn more about sexual assault prevention. Students often reach out to friends or family members first when something bad happens. Having the skills to respond effectively without blame or judgment is vital. Learn more skills for supporting your friends through the aftermath of a traumatic event.

Here are some of the resources available to support survivors and friends at CU Boulder:

Office of Victim Assistance (OVA)

OVA provides free and confidential information, consultation, support, advocacy and short-term, trauma-focused counseling services for students, grad students, faculty and staff who have experienced a traumatic, disturbing or life-disruptive event, including sexual assault and harassment.

Confidential resource

Office of Institutional Equity and Compliance (OIEC)

OIEC implements and enforces university policies around sexual assault, intimate partner abuse and stalking, and other forms of sexual misconduct. If you or someone you know at CU has been impacted, reports can be filed online. Anonymous reporting is an option as well.

Don't Ignore It

Explore your options for seeking confidential support, reporting concerns and learning skills for helping others. If something seems off, it probably is—don't ignore it.

Mandatory reporting

All university employees who have the authority to hire, promote, discipline, evaluate, grade, formally advise or direct faculty, staff or students are considered "responsible employees" and are required to report alleged misconduct to the Office of Institutional Equity and Compliance (OIEC). This includes resident advisors, teaching assistants, professors, graduate instructors, academic advisors, coaches or other university employees with oversight authority.

Any sexual misconduct, intimate partner abuse (including dating and domestic violence), stalking, protected-class discrimination or harassment, or related retaliation disclosed to a responsible employee must be reported to OIEC. The person impacted has the choice about whether and how they want to proceed. Reporting is required to help ensure that people understand their rights and options and the resources available.

Note: Confidential campus resources are exempt from CU Boulder’s mandatory reporting policy, including the Office of Victim Assistance (OVA), Counseling and Psychiatric Services (CAPS), Psychological Health and Performance (PHP), Faculty and Staff Assistance Program (FSAP) and Ombuds.

Learn more about mandatory reporting

Sexual assault is all too common in our society and can have lasting impacts on individuals and communities. Here are five things everyone should know about sexual assault.

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3 things everyone should know about stalking

Anonymous — Thu, 18 Jan 2024 07:00:00 +0000

3 things everyone should know about stalking Anonymous (not verified) Thu, 01/18/2024 - 00:00

January is Stalking Awareness Month

Learn how you can seek support for yourself, a friend or a colleague.

Popular culture, like shows and movies, can make it seem like persistence is the key to winning someone over. However, persistence can quickly turn into discomfort or fear when it’s unwelcome. Here are a few things everyone should know about stalking.

#1 Stalking can take many forms

Stalking goes beyond following someone. It can include a variety of tactics, which can happen in person and/or online. Stalking is defined as a pattern of unwanted behavior, directed at a specific person, which causes that person to change their routine or feel afraid, threatened or in danger.

Examples of stalking behaviors include:

Repeated, unwanted phone calls, texts, messages, etc. that may or may not include direct threats
Creating fake profiles to continue contacting a person after they have been blocked on someone’s personal account
Observing, following or “coincidentally” showing up wherever the person goes
Waiting outside of the person’s class, home, job, car, etc.
Leaving notes, gifts or other items for the person
Spreading rumors online and/or in person

Posting messages or images of the person on social media or in discussion groups without permission
Vandalism or destruction of property, including sabotaging school or other work
Breaking into the person’s home, workplace or car
Hacking into the person’s social media, email or other accounts
Collecting information about or attempting to contact the person through friends, family members, coworkers or acquaintances

#2 Stalking can happen to anyone

While stalking is often directed at someone from a previous or current intimate relationship, a person can also be stalked by roommates, friends, classmates, colleagues or someone they have never met or only met once, including matches on dating apps.

Here are some ways to identify healthy, unhealthy and concerning behaviors that may prompt someone to seek additional help or support:

Healthy boundaries are: When you say “no” the other person respectfully leaves you alone and does not attempt to contact you again.

Unhealthy behaviors are: When you say “no” the other person continues to contact you again and again.

Consider discussing with someone or documenting what is happening: When you say “no” more than once and the other person tries to talk you into saying “yes,” continues to contact you and/or contacts you more often.

Consider seeking help from an advocate, the police, or other professional: When you are contacted repeatedly, the other person shows up where you are, indirectly threatens you, is disrespectful and/or does not take “no” for an answer.

Call 911: When the other person directly threatens you, tries to harm you, harms you or damages your property (including your pets).

#3 Context is key

Gift giving, location tracking, or sending multiple texts can be components of a healthy friendship or romantic relationship. It can feel really special for your roommate to bring you a coffee just because or have friends checking an app to make sure you got home safe. The key here is that these behaviors are wanted and help increase a sense of safety within the relationship.

Stalking, on the otherhand, is a pattern of unwanted behavior that reduces a person’s sense of safety. From the outside it may look similar to some of those innocuous behaviors, but to the person experiencing it, it can really feel threatening. The context of the behavior and the impact it has on the recipient is key.

Stalking violates CU’s campus policies and is considered a serious crime in Colorado. CU Boulder provides a number of reporting and support options for those experiencing stalking.

Support resources for students, staff and faculty

If you or someone you know is experiencing stalking behaviors, it’s important to connect them with appropriate support resources and services.

General support

The Don’t Ignore It website provides options for seeking confidential support on and off campus, skills for helping others and reporting options related to sexual misconduct, stalking, intimate partner abuse, harassment and discrimination.

Confidential services

Students, staff and faculty can get confidential support and/or counseling through the Office of Victim Assistance (OVA) by calling 303-492-8855 or filling out a confidential request form online. This form will only be reviewed by OVA staff—the university will not be notified and no investigative action will take place. If you would like to get in contact with an OVA advocate counselor, be sure to include your contact information. OVA advocate counselors can provide additional support to help individuals explore their rights and options, make a safety plan and reporting options if needed, discuss their living situation and more.

University reporting

If you think you may be experiencing stalking, you can report the incident to the CU Office of Institutional Equity and Compliance (OIEC). OIEC can address concerns in a variety of ways including a formal grievance process or through a policy compliance meeting with the person engaging in behaviors that might be considered stalking. Additionally, OIEC may be able to provide safety and supportive measures, such as no contact orders, academic support remedies and more. You can file a report with OIEC by calling 303-492-2127, emailing cureport@colorado.edu or filling out a report online.

Law enforcement reporting

Reporting to the police can take many forms and doesn’t have to lead to filing of criminal charges. An informational or anonymous report is sometimes an option to make the police aware of the situation. Individuals may have the option to ask police to contact the person to give a verbal warning or press criminal charges. If stalking behaviors have occured on campus, contact the CU Boulder Police Department. Otherwise, contact your local police department.

Shows and movies can make it seem like persistence is the key to winning someone over. However, persistence can quickly cross boundaries. Here are a few things everyone should know about stalking behaviors.

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6 winter break survival tips

Anonymous — Mon, 18 Dec 2023 07:00:00 +0000

6 winter break survival tips Anonymous (not verified) Mon, 12/18/2023 - 00:00

Winter break brings a much-needed sense of relief for many of us. However, transitioning back home, spending time away from campus and being around family for an extended period of time can also be challenging.

Here are six tips you can use to survive and thrive over winter break.

#1 Talk through expectations ahead of time

If you’re heading home over break, it’s a good idea to discuss expectations with your family. For instance, you may be expected to follow a curfew, help around the house, attend certain events or take on other responsibilities. Having a conversation before you make it home can help you avoid being caught off guard and unexpected conflict.

This is also a good opportunity to talk through your own expectations and boundaries. Let your family or friends know what your plans are, including how long you expect to be around and how much one-on-one time you expect to spend together. If you’re uncomfortable attending specific holiday events, let your family or friends know and work together to brainstorm some other ways that you can spend time together.

#2 Get into a routine

Winter break can be a great time to unwind after a long semester. However, it can also throw us off our normal routines, and the transition between campus life and home life can be jarring. Set yourself up for success all break long by getting into a routine while you’re away.

Here are some tips to help you get started:

Set a sleep schedule
Yeah, we know, it sounds boring. But getting seven to nine hours of sleep each night can help improve your mental and physical health, immunity and stress levels. Over break, try to be consistent when it comes to what time you wake up and go to bed. Your timing doesn’t have to be perfect, but you should try to stay within a 2-hour window of your schedule. If you find that you’re over- or under-sleeping, check out these tips for better sleep.
Look and plan ahead
Your break may be jam-packed with back-to-back events and obligations, or you may find that you have idle time on your hands. Regardless of what your schedule looks like, try to plan out your days and activities out in advance if possible. For instance, you may want to carve out chunks of time to spend quality time with friends or family, go holiday shopping, relax or have some alone time. This will help you prioritize where you spend your time and energy over break.
Focus on small habits
Don’t stress about making the perfect routine or schedule. Focusing on small habits that are consistent day to day can still make an impact. For instance, you may decide to go for a short walk in the evenings with your family, read for 30 minutes each night, write a gratitude list in the mornings or text a different friend, family member or loved one each day to see how they’re doing. Committing to these kinds of small acts can give your days a greater sense of structure and purpose.

#3 Get to know your loved ones again

While it may feel like you haven’t been away from home for that long, you notice changes with your friends or family members. For instance, they may have new hobbies, interests, perspectives, goals and so on.

Take some time to get to know your loved ones again while you’re at home. Whether you’re seeing friends or family, try asking open-ended questions about their lives while you’ve been away.

Here are some things you can ask.

Friends or siblings

How have you been since I last saw you?
What has your college/school experience been like?
Do you have any new friends or hobbies?
Is there anyone you’re going to miss while you’re away from school?
Do you feel like you’ve changed since the fall began? In what ways?
Is there anything you’re looking forward to come spring?

Parents or family members

How have you been since I last saw you?
Do you have any new friends or hobbies?
What has work/retirement been like the past few months?
Do you have any trips coming up?
Is there anything you’re looking forward to come spring?
Have you noticed that anything has changed since I’ve been away?

#4 Make time for important conversations

Being at home can give us an opportunity to have important or challenging conversations with our families in person, which is typically better than texts or phone calls. The key is to show up for these conversations in a healthy way.

Here are some tips to keep in mind:

Give your family members a heads up that you want to have an important discussion. Sometimes, when people are caught off guard, it can make it harder to have productive conversations. That’s why it is usually helpful to give them a heads up and context for what you want to talk to them about before diving in. For instance, maybe you need to talk about your grades, a major change, mental health concerns or a change in career path.
Allow them time to collect their thoughts. Preparing for difficult conversations in advance can help you avoid mincing words, stay on topic and communicate in a more effective way. Let your family know that you’d like to give them time to collect their thoughts before you jump right in. Invite them to the conversation by setting a time and place to chat in advance.
Speak from your own experience. When sharing your perspective with your family, it is usually best to speak from your own experience. One way to do this is to use ‘I’ statements. For instance, you may say something like, “I would like to reduce my courseload for next semester, because I feel overwhelmed by the number of responsibilities I took on this past semester, and I think I would perform better with less going on.” You could also say something like, “My grades aren’t as good as I expected them to be, and I’m worried that it is going to impact our relationship.”
Avoid making assumptions. Allow your family to share their perspective on the situation at hand, and try to avoid making assumptions about how they feel or how they may handle the news. Instead, ask open-ended questions and stay curious. It’s also important to know that what we hear isn’t always what the other person means. Take time throughout the conversation to restate what you think you heard them say, and ask for clarity if your understanding is off base.
Take a break if needed. Conversations can sometimes become heated or escalate into arguments. This is especially true when there are strong emotions, the stakes feel high or there is a significant difference in opinions or perspectives. If you feel like a conversation is turning into an argument or becoming unproductive, take a time out. Let the person know that it may be time to step away and come back to this conversation later. You may plan to pick back up in 20 minutes or the next day after you both get some space.
Allow for multiple truths. Change doesn't happen overnight, and conversations don't always resolve the way we’d like them to. Progress often takes a series of conversations and a willingness to keep trying. If things are left unresolved or it feels like you’ll never reach an agreement, give yourself and your family member grace by allowing for multiple truths. Let your family know that you appreciate their willingness to talk with you and that you’d like to follow up sometime in the future if possible. It’s important to remember that having differences in opinions doesn’t always mean there is conflict, and seeking to understand someone’s perspective and validate them doesn’t have to mean you agree.

Get more tips for having tough conversations

#5 Reflect and look forward

The end of the year is a great time to reflect on our accomplishments and look forward to what the upcoming semester and year have to hold.

Looking back

Take some time to think back on your accomplishments, things you’ve overcome and the things you’re most proud of this year. This could include doing well on finals, successfully changing your major, making new friends or simply getting through a tough time. Write these types of items in a list. When you’re done, take some time to celebrate all of the things you did this past year, no matter how small.

Looking forward

Take some time to think about what you hope to accomplish over the next few months or year. Perhaps you’d like to improve your grades, land a job or internship, be more active or get more involved on campus. Identify your goals and break them down into smaller milestones. For instance, if your goal is to get a summer internship, think about the things you’ll need to do to get there. This could include researching companies, updating your resume, attending a mock interview and exploring possible positions. Use these milestones to work backwards and create a timeline for yourself for when you’d like to complete each task by, and remember to celebrate the steps you take along the way to your end goal.

Want to have some extra fun this year?

Try creating a bucket list for yourself of things you’d like to do over the next 12 months. This could include things like going to a specific sporting event, volunteering for a cause you care about, baking your first cheesecake, hiking a trail you’ve been wanting to tackle or anything you’d like! As you write down your list, think about how you can check one thing off of your bucket list each month so you can plan ahead and improve your chances of success.

#6 Reach out for support

If you’re struggling over winter break, there are resources on campus that can still support you. Here are a few you can take advantage of over break.

Counseling and Psychiatric Services (CAPS)

CAPS will provide individual appointments and groups over winter break. They can also help connect you with a local provider if you’re staying somewhere outside the state of Colorado.

*If you are experiencing a mental health crisis, please call the CAPS crisis line and 303-492-2277 (24/7).

AcademicLiveCare

AcademicLiveCare (ALC) is a telehealth platform that allows students, staff and faculty to schedule and attend free counseling, psychiatry, nutrition and medical appointments from anywhere.

*This program is free regardless of your insurance plan.

Student Support and Case Management (SSCM)

SSCM is here to help students identify issues and appropriate resources. They also work collaboratively with students to develop an action plan. This is a great option for those who would like someone to reach out to another student or friend directly for support.

WellTrack

WellTrack is a free app available to all CU Boulder students. WellTrack is designed to help you identify, understand and address concerns related to stress, anxiety and/or depression. Their self-guided programs provide an informative and interactive way to manage your mental health and learn about additional resources.

Office of Victim Assistance (OVA)

OVA provides free and confidential information, consultations, support, advocacy and short-term trauma counseling services for students, staff and faculty who have experienced or witnessed a traumatic, disturbing or life-disruptive event. This includes things like familial abuse, intimate partner abuse, stalking, harassment, sexual assault and more.

Transitioning away from campus for winter break can be a relief, and it can also be challenging. Here are some winter break survival tips to help you thrive over break.

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6 things to do after a breakup

Anonymous — Thu, 07 Dec 2023 06:00:00 +0000

6 things to do after a breakup Anonymous (not verified) Wed, 12/06/2023 - 23:00

It doesn’t matter if you’ve been with someone for a matter of weeks, months or years. The end of a relationship can still leave you feeling uneasy or uncertain about what comes next. Here are a few tips that can help you cope with a breakup and move on in a healthy way.

1. Allow for mixed feelings

Breakups can be messy, especially when it comes to our emotions. Remember that it’s perfectly normal to feel a wide range of emotions, including sadness, resentment, jealousy, regret and relief, to name a few.

All of these feelings are part of the grieving process, and allowing yourself to experience all of your emotions without judgment can be an important part of the healing process. In fact, avoiding your feelings can sometimes cause them to become more intense, or they may sneak up on you in unexpected ways. It’s also important to keep in mind that distressing feelings will likely go away or become less concerning over time. While you may be in pain now, know that it won’t last forever (even though it may feel that way).

2. Set healthy boundaries

Knowing what to do after a breakup can be difficult. Setting healthy boundaries with yourself and those around you can help protect your mental and emotional health moving forward. Here are some examples of boundaries you can set after a breakup:

Details. Remember that you’re not obligated to share the details of your relationship or your breakup. If you’re not comfortable discussing the topic with friends or family members, let them know by saying something like, “I appreciate your concern, but I’d be more comfortable not talking about my relationship/breakup right now.”
Contact. Whether you’d like to stay friends with your ex or not, it’s usually helpful to take some time apart from one another following a breakup. Set boundaries with each other by agreeing to a ‘no-contact’ period. This will provide you both with the time and space you need to heal and evaluate how you want to interact moving forward. If your ex contacts you before you’re ready to talk, don’t feel obligated to respond. Similarly, try to respect your ex’s boundaries by not reaching out to them before the ‘no-contact’ period has ended.
Mourning. It’s okay to wonder how your ex is doing, think about your relationship and even imagine a future where it all worked out. It’s also normal to find yourself browsing their Instagram, keeping an eye on their Snapchat or reading through old texts. However, setting boundaries around how you ‘check in’ on an ex can help give you some peace. Schedule time to mourn by setting a timer for 10 minutes in the morning and/or at night to check their social media or texts and just feel bummed. When the time is up, stop scrolling and focus on other activities. After a while, try cutting back your timer to five minutes or two minutes. This method allows you to experience your feelings and satisfy your curiosity without consuming your entire day.
Unexpected encounters. Sometimes there’s no way to avoid an ex. Whether you have classes together, work together or have the same friend group, it’s a good idea to plan ahead for unexpected encounters. If possible, have a conversation about how to handle running into each other. For instance, you might agree to keep conversation to a minimum, wave while walking past or only talk about work or school as needed.
Just friends. If you are working on being friends with an ex, try to set physical and emotional boundaries that help draw the line between just friends and something more. For instance, you may want to set boundaries around cuddling, close contact, spending the night, paying for each other’s meals or being each other’s primary source of support.

Harmful or abusive behaviors

Intimate partner abuse and dating violence can happen during the course of a relationship or after you break up. It’s important to remember that there is support available if you or someone you know is currently experiencing harmful or abusive behaviors from a significant other or an ex. The Office of Victim Assistance (OVA) offers free and confidential support for students who may be experiencing these types of behaviors.

Examples of harmful or abusive behaviors include:

Trying to control/make all decisions related to the relationship or breakup
Preventing a current/previous partner from socializing, working or hanging out with others
Destroying personal property or threatening pets
Trying to control what the other person does, how they look, who they see or who talk to
Using money to control or trap a current/previous partner

Manipulating a current/previous partner by using threats, insults or guilt
Keeping track of where the other person is at all times
Pushing, shoving, slapping or hitting
Engaging in continuous, unwanted contact in -person and/or online.
Asking for updates or details from family or friends
Spreading rumors about a current/previous partner

3. Reconnect with those around you

Oftentimes, relationships become our primary source for socializing and support. That’s why it’s important to spend some time after a breakup to reconnect with the people who are closest to you, including friends, family or roommates. Here are some tips to help you tap back into your support network:

Make a point to sit down for lunch or dinner with a close friend to talk about how you’re really doing and feeling. Be sure to ask them about how they’ve been doing as well.
Check in with a parent, sibling or other family member about ways they can support you.
If you haven’t been as involved at home or fulfilling your share of roommate responsibilities, talk to your roommate(s) to minimize potential frustrations or disagreements.
This can also be a good time to reconnect with yourself. Take some time to reflect on who you are outside of your relationships. Jot down a list of things you’re grateful for in life today, hobbies you want to get back to and other sources of joy in your life.

4. Focus on what you need most

Practicing self-care can feel like a chore when we’re feeling down, but it’s important to make sure your most basic needs are being met, especially after a breakup. Here are a few examples of self-care activities that are worth a try:

Journal. Organize and work through your thoughts and feelings. What was good about today? What was challenging?
Take a shower. Use your private time in the shower to dance and sing, scream, cry or simply relax.
Get outside and move your body. Take a walk around the block, enjoy window shopping or visit a local park to help you get rid of pent-up stress.
Phone a friend. Catch up with people you haven’t seen in a while by texting, calling or asking them to grab a coffee.
Get some sleep. Breakups can be tiring. Ensure you’re getting seven to nine hours of sleep each night. If you feel tired during the day, opt for a 20-minute nap.
Stay hydrated. Try to drink water throughout the day. It's a good idea to carry a reusable water bottle with you for quick and easy refills.
Eat regular meals or snacks. Grief can sometimes make us over- or under-eat. Try to listen to your body’s natural cues related to hunger and fullness throughout the day.
Take small steps. You don’t have to tackle everything at once. Approach new emotions or experiences one step at a time.
Monitor substances. Sometimes, people may try to manage difficult emotions with alcohol or other substances. However, this often just masks deeper issues that need to be addressed and can actually worsen your symptoms over time.

5. Take some time to reflect (when you’re ready)

Reflecting on your relationship with an ex can help you identify silver linings, learn more about yourself and discover healthy ways to move forward into the future. It’s okay if you’re not quite ready to dive into the details yet, but when you are ready, here are some helpful tips for reflecting.

Who were you at the start of the relationship? Who are you now?

Relationships can be catalysts for many things in our lives. Take some time to reflect on who you were when you entered the relationship versus who you are now. Here are a few questions that can help you get started.

Did you grow as a person? If yes, how? If not, why?
What did you learn about the way you handle conflicts?
Did you strengthen your communication skills?
What did you learn about the way you navigate romantic relationships?
Are there any habits you want to continue outside of the relationship?

What are your non-negotiables?

Dating provides us with an opportunity to explore our likes, dislikes and deal-breakers. Think through some of the things that are most important to you in a relationship (e.g., lifestyle choices, time together, similar goals, religious or spiritual beliefs, wanting kids, etc.).

Did you discover deal-breakers you didn’t expect in your last relationship?

Being aware of these factors can help you know what you’re willing to compromise on and what you’re not.

Is there anything you’d like to do differently in the future?

Let’s face it, nobody is perfect. While it’s important not to dwell on all the things we wish had done differently, understanding the role we’ve played in relationships can help us learn to approach them differently in the future. Think back on your time with your ex.

Are there things that you did or said that you’re not proud of?
Do you wish you would have handled a situation differently than you did at the time?
How do you want to show up in your future relationships?

Try to avoid beating yourself up about past mistakes. Instead, use this as an opportunity to accept that mistakes happen in every relationship. Be mindful of how you have approached different situations and how you might be able to do things differently in the future.

6. Reach out for additional support

Breakups can be tough, but you don’t need to go through it alone. Check out these resources for additional support.

Let’s Talk

Meet with a Counseling and Psychiatric Services (CAPS) provider during one of their free drop-in hours around campus. Let’s Talk is a great way to speak informally about your situation, gain insight, find support and connect with additional resources on campus.

Interpersonal support groups

Counseling and Psychiatric Services (CAPS) offers free process therapy groups that emphasize relationships, interpersonal skills, feedback and strategies to help you feel more connected with others. Undergraduate- and graduate-specific groups are available.

Office of Victim Assistance (OVA)

OVA provides free and confidential information, consultations, support, advocacy and short-term trauma counseling services for students, staff and faculty who have experienced or witness a traumatic, disturbing or life-disruptive event. This includes intimate partner abuse, domestic violence, stalking, sexual assault and more.

International student support

Students who have experienced sexual assault or domestic violence may be eligible for U.S. immigration relief through the U visa or VAWA self-petition, regardless of their immigration status. Please speak with an immigration attorney or a non-profit organization that assists immigrants to learn more about the eligibility requirements, application process, and timeline. Learn more about free or low-cost legal immigration services.

Student Support and Case Management (SSCM)

Office of Institutional Equity and Compliance (OIEC)

Thriving Campus

If you are looking to connect with a local mental health provider in your area, Thriving Campus can help you connect with a variety of providers based on specialization, needs and insurance.

Don’t Ignore It

Explore your options for seeking confidential support, reporting concerns and learning skills for helping others. If something seems off, it probably is—don't ignore it.

It doesn’t matter if you’ve been with someone for a matter of weeks, months or years. The end of any relationship can be difficult. Here are a few tips that can help you cope with a breakup and move on in a healthy way.

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6 tips to help prevent sexual assault

Anonymous — Wed, 25 Oct 2023 06:00:00 +0000

6 tips to help prevent sexual assault Anonymous (not verified) Wed, 10/25/2023 - 00:00

Halloween celebrations that involve alcohol and other substances can also make it easier for problematic behaviors and unwelcome advances to go unnoticed. Here are some tips to stay safe and have fun over Halloween weekend.

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